Quiet Angel Publishing Blog

I am sure many of you who have gone through this disease, will understand this statement as soon as you read it.  As for those who have not, maybe this will help you understand our world a bit better.

I had my yearly “hospital” visit last week.  What this means is that I go to the hospital for the day with a list of test; bone scan, pelvic ultrasound, abdominal ultrasound, chest x ray, and a mammogram.  First of all, this is dreaded, feared, and just plan nerve racking to begin with.  But, I try and suck it up, put on my big girl panties, and head on my merry way with my wonderful Mom in tow.

The big thing for the day that you learn after years, is that no one will tell you what is going on.  Your biggest fear is that the technician will be chatting up a storm, look at your scan and STOP talking.  Yes, this has happened and yes, something was wrong.  The next thing is that all day what you hear and what is actually said are two very different things.  So in other words, while having my bone scan, (which I don’t have every year but I have  been having some issues and the Doc decided to have things “checked out”), the technician was very kind, wrapped me in a warm blanket and disappeared for an hour.  I tried to relax, while not moving or talking, which is hard to relax in this mode, but I made it through fine.  Now here we go, and this happens a lot.  The technician came out “after” the test and said, “things look great, I just need some history, have you ever had any broken bones, injuries, etc”? Now that is what he said.  What I heard was, “hmmmm, everything looks okay, ummm I see problems, have you had any ummmmm broken bones, because again, I see problems”. Now am a fairly intelligent gal, and you don’t plan this, it just happens.  For a year or more after your diagnosis, treatment, and just trying to get back to YOU, everything that happens is cancer.  You sneeze, it’s cancer.  You stub your toes and it bleeds, and it is cancer.  You lose your sunglasses and somehow that is related to cancer, it’s like a phenomenon.  Gradually it goes away, you get a little more  confident, you learn to move on, but not necessarily forget.  It stays with you, always in the back of your head, but you move on and try to hear things as they are said.  You go to your Doc appointments and as time goes on you learn to realize that the “your fine, Regina” statement from the Doctor (on every visit) actually means you are fine.

So these are my words of wisdom to those going through this, hang in there, remember until you hear the words come from you Doctor’s mouth (and hopefully never again), that you really need to listen to those words and not worry.  After all, I would rather be tested and make sure all is alright then really guessing about it or letting it go.  So for now, while waiting for the test results, I will just lay myself down to sleep and count in my head the number of times that the Doc said “you are fine Regina, fine”, it actually works better then sheep!  And as I close my eyes I will realize just how truly blessed I am!!

Oh and next blog, MAMMOGRAMS AT 50!!! Come on, what idiot came up with that (hmmm)?  Let’s see I was 36 when I was diagnosed, by a SELF-EXAM and a MAMMOGRAM!!  I believe I owe my life, in part, to both those test!!  Seriously!!!